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«Я тебя съем», или Дело ведет следователь Сверхъясно
Marina Aromshtam - "I will devour you", or Detective Superclear Leads the Case (translated by Alexander Suponya)
1. See that huge hill? That building on top is the observatory, the workplace of the famous Professor Djoo.
Now look over there. See that other hill and the tower on top of that hill? That tower belongs to Mr. Igrec. Ten foreign manufacturing plants, five private airfields, hundreds of secret agents and three mafia clans comprise the vast framework behind his illegal trading business, but no one can ever accuse him of using it for any malicious purposes. Mr. Igrec is a clever man, indeed. He would rather speak through gestures and sharp glances than drop an extra word out of his mouth. His eyes seem to say, “I shall devour you!”
Mr. Igrec observes the observatory, and Professor Djoo inside it, through his binoculars. Professor Djoo will never notice this - he is too occupied with his observations of both identified and unidentified flying objects.
2. One such object flies closer, slows down, and almost hovers in front of the observatory. A smaller one separates from its larger counterpart and flies towards Professor Djoo. Is it a stone? No, it’s condense dirt from the Red Planet - from Mars. The Professor feels his heart pumping against his chest out of excitement: he had just received the salutations of an alien civilization. There is water on Mars. Be it solid or not, the substance is the first measurable precondition for Martian life! In the worst-case scenario, humans could potentially find shelter on Mars. Professor Djoo writes a letter to the International Committee on the Advancement of Extraterrestrial Settlement: it is imperative to organize an expedition to Mars as soon as possible! Mr. Igrec observes all of this through his binoculars. His eyes perpetually utter, “I shall devour you!”
3. In his office, Mr. Igrec activates the signal button, labelled “Come to me!”, and watches his secretary, dirty and disheveled like a bird caught in the wind, enter his office.
Mr. Igrec angrily points out the window and then slams his fists against his desk. The bedraggled secretary nods: there is nothing left to be explained to him, he understands the situation perfectly.
Mr. Igrec does not want humans to colonize Mars, for he would rather colonize it himself, to his own liking. Mr Igrec’s Mars is a strategic military site. He could not be proven wrong in whatever he does, even if Professor Djoo writes a hundred oppositions on a scientific basis...
4. The sky turns pitch dark. It is nighttime.
Professor Djoo sleeps, exhausted after his explorations of the boundless cosmic void. He dreams a wonderful vision of astronauts disembarking on the Martian surface.
At the same time, a questionable vehicle approaches the observatory and opens to reveal a particular dark masked specimen. After sneaking into the driveway, the masked individual begins to fiddle around with the signalization system.
Just look at how swiftly he infiltrates the heart of the observatory - the very office of Professor Djoo! He ravages every shelf and every cupboard until he finds what he needs, shutting the door behind him as he returns to his car. The car springs into motion, rides down the hill, and disappears into the night.
Professor Djoo awakens. His wonderful dreams were blown away after he had witnessed something unexplainable through his sleep.
What an unexplainable nightmare!
5. Detective Superclear arrives at the observatory. Don’t forget: Superclear, just like other last names, defines the main feature of any sleuth. He always seeks to clear up the situation as much as humanly possible. No masks can obscure a villain well enough to conceal him from Superclear’s shrewd abilities.
6. Superclear falls on the burglar's trail. The assault group barges into the villain’s lair, not knowing that the burglar is simply a pawn in the great chess field of events, whose instinctive move was to transfer the relic into the hands of some guy with messy hair… Clearly, none of this could have gone so smoothly without Mr Igrec fiddling with the pieces. Superclear begins to make his own opening moves.
After putting on a bulletproof vest, taking a walkie talkie, and concealing a hidden camera, he embarks towards the tower. He shows his police certificate at the entranceway.
A man, with his hair sticking out everywhere (could it be that he received the stolen object?) walks by Superclear to Mr Igrec’s cabinet, who himself is sitting in a gargantuan armchair.
“So you are looking for the relic?” asks the ruffled secretary politely. “I’m afraid that we do not have it -”
“Are you saying that you destroyed it?” inquires Superclear.
“Destroyed it? How could you dare to think that?” the secretary sweetly objected.
“The worst part is, there is never way to prove that you are guilty!” Superclear puts his hand over his pistol, and he tries to stay casual as he leaves the office. Mr Igrec follows him with his eyes, which seem to say, “I shall devour you!”.
7. Commotion ensues outside as a van approaches the building. Strange sounds come out of the van’s trunk as workers appear to be unloading particular boxes - or are they cages? Are those really monkeys inside of the cages? Why deliver them to the tower?
And what’s this? Trash bags… are those bags full of bones? Human bones?
What could this possibly mean? Superclear, unnoticed, takes one of the bags with him, which he shall bring to the forensic laboratory. Mr Igrec can’t checkmate the police.
8. Two days later, the local news announce the arrest of Mr Igrec and his secretary. It is impossible to prove that Mr Igrec traded weapons, or that his secretary destroyed the space rocks which had gone missing into his hands. But one could now surely say that they signed a poaching contract to hunt monkeys. But why would they need so many of them? There are so many possibilities!
Perhaps, Mr. Igrec doesn’t just sell the weapons. Maybe he...
1. See that huge hill? That building on top is the observatory, the workplace of the famous Professor Djoo.
Now look over there. See that other hill and the tower on top of that hill? That tower belongs to Mr. Igrec. Ten foreign manufacturing plants, five private airfields, hundreds of secret agents and three mafia clans comprise the vast framework behind his illegal trading business, but no one can ever accuse him of using it for any malicious purposes. Mr. Igrec is a clever man, indeed. He would rather speak through gestures and sharp glances than drop an extra word out of his mouth. His eyes seem to say, “I shall devour you!”
Mr. Igrec observes the observatory, and Professor Djoo inside it, through his binoculars. Professor Djoo will never notice this - he is too occupied with his observations of both identified and unidentified flying objects.
2. One such object flies closer, slows down, and almost hovers in front of the observatory. A smaller one separates from its larger counterpart and flies towards Professor Djoo. Is it a stone? No, it’s condense dirt from the Red Planet - from Mars. The Professor feels his heart pumping against his chest out of excitement: he had just received the salutations of an alien civilization. There is water on Mars. Be it solid or not, the substance is the first measurable precondition for Martian life! In the worst-case scenario, humans could potentially find shelter on Mars. Professor Djoo writes a letter to the International Committee on the Advancement of Extraterrestrial Settlement: it is imperative to organize an expedition to Mars as soon as possible! Mr. Igrec observes all of this through his binoculars. His eyes perpetually utter, “I shall devour you!”
3. In his office, Mr. Igrec activates the signal button, labelled “Come to me!”, and watches his secretary, dirty and disheveled like a bird caught in the wind, enter his office.
Mr. Igrec angrily points out the window and then slams his fists against his desk. The bedraggled secretary nods: there is nothing left to be explained to him, he understands the situation perfectly.
Mr. Igrec does not want humans to colonize Mars, for he would rather colonize it himself, to his own liking. Mr Igrec’s Mars is a strategic military site. He could not be proven wrong in whatever he does, even if Professor Djoo writes a hundred oppositions on a scientific basis...
4. The sky turns pitch dark. It is nighttime.
Professor Djoo sleeps, exhausted after his explorations of the boundless cosmic void. He dreams a wonderful vision of astronauts disembarking on the Martian surface.
At the same time, a questionable vehicle approaches the observatory and opens to reveal a particular dark masked specimen. After sneaking into the driveway, the masked individual begins to fiddle around with the signalization system.
Just look at how swiftly he infiltrates the heart of the observatory - the very office of Professor Djoo! He ravages every shelf and every cupboard until he finds what he needs, shutting the door behind him as he returns to his car. The car springs into motion, rides down the hill, and disappears into the night.
Professor Djoo awakens. His wonderful dreams were blown away after he had witnessed something unexplainable through his sleep.
What an unexplainable nightmare!
5. Detective Superclear arrives at the observatory. Don’t forget: Superclear, just like other last names, defines the main feature of any sleuth. He always seeks to clear up the situation as much as humanly possible. No masks can obscure a villain well enough to conceal him from Superclear’s shrewd abilities.
6. Superclear falls on the burglar's trail. The assault group barges into the villain’s lair, not knowing that the burglar is simply a pawn in the great chess field of events, whose instinctive move was to transfer the relic into the hands of some guy with messy hair… Clearly, none of this could have gone so smoothly without Mr Igrec fiddling with the pieces. Superclear begins to make his own opening moves.
After putting on a bulletproof vest, taking a walkie talkie, and concealing a hidden camera, he embarks towards the tower. He shows his police certificate at the entranceway.
A man, with his hair sticking out everywhere (could it be that he received the stolen object?) walks by Superclear to Mr Igrec’s cabinet, who himself is sitting in a gargantuan armchair.
“So you are looking for the relic?” asks the ruffled secretary politely. “I’m afraid that we do not have it -”
“Are you saying that you destroyed it?” inquires Superclear.
“Destroyed it? How could you dare to think that?” the secretary sweetly objected.
“The worst part is, there is never way to prove that you are guilty!” Superclear puts his hand over his pistol, and he tries to stay casual as he leaves the office. Mr Igrec follows him with his eyes, which seem to say, “I shall devour you!”.
7. Commotion ensues outside as a van approaches the building. Strange sounds come out of the van’s trunk as workers appear to be unloading particular boxes - or are they cages? Are those really monkeys inside of the cages? Why deliver them to the tower?
And what’s this? Trash bags… are those bags full of bones? Human bones?
What could this possibly mean? Superclear, unnoticed, takes one of the bags with him, which he shall bring to the forensic laboratory. Mr Igrec can’t checkmate the police.
8. Two days later, the local news announce the arrest of Mr Igrec and his secretary. It is impossible to prove that Mr Igrec traded weapons, or that his secretary destroyed the space rocks which had gone missing into his hands. But one could now surely say that they signed a poaching contract to hunt monkeys. But why would they need so many of them? There are so many possibilities!
Perhaps, Mr. Igrec doesn’t just sell the weapons. Maybe he...
